Something light for today

This made me smile today. It is not a real translation, but an attempt to make the text look like one :)

The languages are: Polish (correct), Czech and German (pretended) 

The list is about the content of home first aid kit. I have included explanation and back translation below.

PL: czopki
EN: suppository
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: anal bombs 

PL: maść na hemoroidy
EN: haemorrhoids ointment
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: anal butter

PL: gaziki opatrunkowe
EN: pads
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: bandage cloths

PL: krople do oczu
EN: eye drops
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: eye dew

PL: tabletki przeciwbólowe
EN: painkiller tablets
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: soothing thingies

PL: krople do nosa
EN: nose drops
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: water pipes

PL: termometr
EN: thermometer
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: heat catcher

PL: środek na przeczyszczenie
EN: laxative
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: poo runner

PL: syrop na kaszel
EN: cough syrup
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: dry tuberculosis

PL: wata
EN: cotton wool
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: white pussy

PL: tabletki na chorobę lokomocyjną
EN: motion sickness pills
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: mobile puker

PL: agrafka
EN: safety pin
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: it's actually the same - safety pin

PL: spirytus salicylowy
EN: salicylic spirit
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: oral plonk (low quality alcohol)

PL: papier toaletowy
EN: toilet paper
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: dual-sided ass beater

PL: prezerwatywy
EN: condoms
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: girl stoppers