On simplicity

I was translating a pedagogical evaluation report and decided to research the term "niepełnosprawność intelektualna w stopniu znacznym" - perhaps there was an English equivalent, so I thought I may as well look for it. In English it could be translated as "severe intellectual disability". I found the Polish term on one of the websites/portals. But I highly doubt that the client would be pleased with this translation :)

PL: "niepełnosprawność intelektualna w stopniu znacznym"  / "severe intelectual disability"
EN: "idiot"

:)

Once per month is not very impressive, but hey, I INTEND to post more often ;) - commas part 2.

I am collecting bits and pieces about the silly stuff that happens to me in my everyday work, but somehow I always run out of time to post it. 

One can always hope to be able to post more often...:)

So, a language trivia for today - why commas are sooo important. 

A friend of mine - Polish philology graduate - shared this with me recently:

PL: "powiesić nie można uwolnić"
EN (literal): "hang no can release"

Depending where you put the comma, the sentence completely changes its meaning. 

Version 1

PL: "powiesić, nie można uwolnić"
EN: "hang, (he/she/it) cannot be released"

Version 2

PL: "powiesić nie, można uwolnić"
EN: "don't hang, (he/she/it) can be released"

Version 3

PL: "powiesić nie można, uwolnić"
EN: "(he/she/it) cannot be hanged, release (him/her/it)"

In Polish this sentence contains an implied subject (he/she/it). Without this addition, it would not make much sense in English. 

One of the best English equivalents of the same situation is as follows:

Version 1

EN: Woman, without her, man is nothing.
PL: Kobieta bez swojego mężczyzny jest niczym.

Version 2

EN: Woman: without her, man is nothing.
PL: Kobieta, bez niej mężczyzna jest niczym.

Who would have thought, such a tiny thing like a comma, so very important...:)

The importance of commas

Every single translator should be very aware of the importance of commas. Sounds obvious, but is it really? I have had several projects, which looked as if a chain of constant, endless thoughts without a single comma, hardly any full stop and very few capital letters. It was extremely tiring and exhausting, even though the topic itself was really simple. So, what is it about with those commas? :)

Here are some of my favourite "missing-in-action" commas (or rather, lack of them):

Source: reddit.com

Umm...well. I hope this is not a new medical standard?

Source: reddit.com

Those children are extremely experienced...

Source: reddit.com

Is that a competition?

Source: reddit.com

If you wash them...and THEN sew...then perhaps...

So...

Source: f/grammarly

Without a doubt! :)

Old authentic scene - English high school

I used to work as a TA (teaching assistant) in an English high school. 
It was Thursday, lesson 1, Science in Year 10 (14-15 years old boys and girls). A class of 'mixed abilities': 15 girls and 3 boys. 

Three of the girls begin talking at once, asking several questions for the teacher. He is very popular and passionate about his subject but clearly struggles with discipline. At one point he can't stand it and loses (or not?) it:

"Girls, enough. STOP THAT VERBAL DIARRHOEA!'

Silence. They got it. 

Braces

My son is a child actor and takes part in various plays, mostly in his drama group. He was recently preparing to a play with action in the 1920s. Few weeks before the dress rehearsals he comes back quite upset.

[Me]: What’s wrong? Anything happened?

[Son]: Noooothing…They told us that we would have to wear braces. I’m not too keen on them.

[Me-clearly confused]: Why? What’s wrong with braces?

[Son]: I don’t know, I don’t think I would enjoy it…

I collected him after first dress rehearsal. He comes out laughing to tears.

[Me]: Tell me what’s so funny.

[Son]: Braces! You know, I told you that we would have to have braces in this play.

[Me]: Yes…and what about them? What’s so funny about braces?

[Son]: I was sure they would make us wear teeth braces! Not the piece of old fashioned clothing! I made the teachers laugh to tears!

Well, I still don’t know how he thought people wore teeth braces in the 1920’s. I am sure if there were any, they were quite gruesome and not widely available. And how on Earth the staff would force kids to make a performance in them? :)

Swollen gums

I spent the last week on short holidays in Poland. It was unbelievably hot and dry. This clearly impacted my ability to use English properly. 

I was waiting with our son in the car for my partner to pay for the petrol. 

Here is the conversation that took place between us in English:

[Son]: Muuuum, when we were on the plane my gum was swollen…

[Me]: Oh dear, it can happen, you should be more careful. [I could swear he meant “I swallowed a chewing gum on the plane”]

[Son]: Well, it sort of came back later…

[Me – clearly shocked – did he mean “I swallowed the chewing gum and then vomited it”]: What? What do you mean it came back?

[Son, as if nothing happened]: It came back to normal later…

[Me]: You swallowed a chewing gum, vomited it and continued chewing?

[Son laughing]: What are you talking about? My gums in my mouth – you know, the ones with teeth – got swollen, hurt but later it was fine…

Verbs: Swell – swelled – swollen

            Swallow – swallowed – swallowed

Tiredness + poor grammar = linguistic confusion… :)

My very own near-miss

This is why translators should NOT reply to offers when they are tired. Very tired in particular.

Some years ago I was asked to submit an offer for an interesting project for popular bookmakers. The rate was promising, option to begin longer cooperation, deadline reasonable. 

Unfortunately, I started replying to this offer very late at night. I was extremely tired and could not be bothered to focus. I prepared a lovely, straight-to-the-point cover letter with relevant experience and approximate word count. 

I was very pleased with myself, with...my love of books, reading and basically anything to do with published word. Yes. I read the offer as "book maker" - without the space and around 1:00 am I was 100% convinced it is a different name of a publishing house. 

Basically, I wanted to reply to an offer of a bookmaker's company with my passion for books and reading. I was saved by frozen computer and after restart I did not bother with one more email. 

The next day I walked past bookmaker's office in my town. Oh...Suddenly I felt very hot and so immensely grateful I did not send that email with my offer. :)

Seriously, do not do that. Don't reply to offers late at night. Even if you are night owls. 

Magnificent advice from the translating twins

Some of my favourite bloggers, the Translation Times have posted a truly fabulous list containing advice for all translators and prospective clients.

Highly recommended: 

http://translationtimes.blogspot.fr/2014/04/62-short-pieces-of-advice.html

Hopefully last link post - this time useful tools

Some really good tools for translators:

http://inboxtranslation.com/blog/tools-translators-might-not-know-you-need/

A video this time

Current workload does not allow me to indulge in the blog, so today another link - this time to a very important video. Enjoy :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrxX_JkIpIA&feature=share

Article

Not really funny, but a link to a very interesting article on translation mistakes received from my university:

http://www.mentalfloss.com/article/48795/9-little-translation-mistakes-caused-big-problems

Something light for today

This made me smile today. It is not a real translation, but an attempt to make the text look like one :)

The languages are: Polish (correct), Czech and German (pretended) 

The list is about the content of home first aid kit. I have included explanation and back translation below.

PL: czopki
EN: suppository
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: anal bombs 

PL: maść na hemoroidy
EN: haemorrhoids ointment
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: anal butter

PL: gaziki opatrunkowe
EN: pads
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: bandage cloths

PL: krople do oczu
EN: eye drops
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: eye dew

PL: tabletki przeciwbólowe
EN: painkiller tablets
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: soothing thingies

PL: krople do nosa
EN: nose drops
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: water pipes

PL: termometr
EN: thermometer
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: heat catcher

PL: środek na przeczyszczenie
EN: laxative
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: poo runner

PL: syrop na kaszel
EN: cough syrup
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: dry tuberculosis

PL: wata
EN: cotton wool
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: white pussy

PL: tabletki na chorobę lokomocyjną
EN: motion sickness pills
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: mobile puker

PL: agrafka
EN: safety pin
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: it's actually the same - safety pin

PL: spirytus salicylowy
EN: salicylic spirit
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: oral plonk (low quality alcohol)

PL: papier toaletowy
EN: toilet paper
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: dual-sided ass beater

PL: prezerwatywy
EN: condoms
Back translation into English from pseudo-Czech: girl stoppers

Products and company names with obscene meaning: Part 1

Everyone has heard about product names that sound at least a little awkward in own language. I have already posted about food blunders, but this time there are few really "bad" examples from my native language.

1. Popular light bulb producer - German company with many years of experience.

Name: OSRAM 
EN: I will shit (future tense)

2. Toy car producer 

Name: SIKU
EN: Wee/pee, also often used by children as "Ja chcę siku! - I want to pee!"

3. PUPA - popular cosmetics 

Name: PUPA

EN: Bum

4. Supermarket' name

Source: http://www.copywriting.pl/fajne-smieszne-nazwy-firm/

Name: Delikatesy u Cyca

EN: Supermarket "Boob/Tit"

4. Meat producer

Source: http://www.copywriting.pl/fajne-smieszne-nazwy-firm/

Name: Kupska

EN: Large shit (plural - one of several possible forms)

5. Czech company - electrical goods

Name: Elektroodbyt
EN: Electrical anus

School Newspaper Part 2

Introduction and part 1 - click here

My favourite bits have been highlighted in blue. The text is heavily redacted - names and places - sorry, but this was necessary. 

Today's winners: female students (samicze studentki), printer (odbijacz) and Fry (Rój Rybek)

Press CTRL and + to enlarge.

Some examples:

EN: female students
PL: samicze studentki
Back translation: it's actually the same, female students, but Polish words denotes female animals

EN: mobile phones
PL: ruchome phones
Back translation: moving phones

EN: printer
PL: odbijacz
Back translation: fender

EN: hacked
PL: pokrojone
Back translation: cut in pieces

EN: Fry (surname)
PL: Rój Rybek
Back translation: the same, Fry, but the context is a large group of fish

Welcome all the brakes!

A good friend of mine is a HGV driver and is used to all sorts of notices, warnings and informations. Here is the latest one – a very polite welcome to all brakes:

 Image source: private

It is very likely that other languages are also "translated" that well. Polish text (at the bottom) says:

Srodek Lokomocji NIE Musi Byc Posuwany Podczas gdy Swiatlo Ruchu jest CZERWONE Tylko Odchodza Kiedy Zielone Swiatlo Pokazuje

Back translation:

The means of transport DOES NOT have to be moved when the traffic light is RED just [they are] leaving when the green light is showing

Due to the word choice and capitalisation Swiatlo Ruchu (no Polish letters) sounds more like a name for a religious group rather than traffic lights (correct: sygnalizacja świetlna).

And now the headings:

Top green: 

EN: Welcome to brakes

PL: Powitanie do hamulców

Back translation: welcome the brakes (as saying "hello, welcome...")

It should, of course, be Zasady korzystania z hamulców

Middle red:

EN: Traffic light policy

PL; Ruch Oswietla Polityka

Back translation: The movement lights up/illuminates the politician (one of the possible solutions – the most hilarious one :)

Dumbing?

Does anyone know what is dumbing?  I came across this informative message today :)

Image source: http://31.media.tumblr.com/6bdd0495c5e66ced0ae93b8b1bbd0fa4/tumblr_musuys1ui21ql2603o1_500.jpg

Food packaging translation

I often take part in projects that require translation of food packaging or food related products. At first they seem pretty straightforward, because there are so many resources available online. However, on a second thought, it is very easy to make a silly mistake. Such projects require both language/vocabulary knowledge, and cultural awareness. 

Here is a selection of some poorly prepared food packaging localisation examples:

Fancy a cup of tea?

Image source: http://www.mun2.tv/sites/mundos/files/styles/large/public/slideshows/slide-urinal.jpg?itok=tBC1-w4e

Nuts? Thanks, I'll pass...

Image source: http://www.comedytime.tv/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/OnlyPuke.jpg

Something tasty from Poland.

Someone told me it was actually a pretty good chocolate bar. I don't think I need to explain the word fart in English, but in Polish it is simply luck :)

Image source: http://brog.engrish.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/embarrassing_food_13.jpg

Right or left?

I'm not very good in finding my way in new places. I can read maps brilliantly, signs are usually a great help, but I can easily get confused. 

There's the sign. If I want to go right, should I go left?

                                                Image source: http://www.tlumaczeniainternetowe.pl/images/stories/artykuly/keep_right.jpg

Anyone fancies a tasty salad?

This is an example from a restaurant menu. Apparently bilingual, but there are some surprise ingredients in the English version.

Image source: http://natemat.pl/64965,salata-z-zarazkami-czyli-dlaczego-lepiej-unikac-internetowych-translatorow

According to Polish text it was supposed to be a bowl of salads with feta cheese, olives, tomatoes, pepper, cucumber, red onion and juicy sprouts.

In the English version pepper (visible in the pictures) changed to paprika. There is also lettuce, "herbs sauce" - perhaps herbal sauce? And the best one - GERMS... 

Yummy...

Possible explanation:

When you choose "kiełek" in a Polish-English dictionary, there are two suggestions: sprout and germ. Apparently the author of this menu did not know which one is which...

A bit of hygiene...

I present an item that can be used for daily hygiene...

Image source: http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/funny-translations-21.jpg

Come on, really? ;)

School Newspaper Part 1

Oh, I've been waiting to publish this one for such a long time! This is a true gem in my collection of hilarious translations. But first, a bit of background:

A couple of years ago I worked as a TA in one of UK high-schools. Even though the school knew that I am a translator and could help in many situations, my services were rather limited to letters and parents' evenings. There was a very large Polish community in the area and at that time - approximately 30 Polish (or with Polish origin) students.

 At one point the school decided to buy a fancy machine translation software - I don't remember the name of it (way before Google Translator became popular). The managers decided to translate school newsletter and send it to all Polish families and to local representatives of Polish speaking groups and community classes, workshops, etc. As you can imagine, they did not use my services at all...

...

They didn't even ask me to proofread it before sending...

Just to remind you, this was sent to many many families. The text is heavily redacted - names and places - sorry, but this was necessary. I highlighted in purple the best pieces from the English and Polish versions (back translation under the image).

Press CTRL and + to enlarge.

Back translation of some examples with comments:

EN: judging panel

PL: sądzącej poduszeczki

EN: judging little pillow 

(It's actually quite cute :)

EN: Magistrates Court Mock Trial Competition

PL: Urzędnikach mających Dziedziniec Wykpiwają Próbne Współzawodnictwa

EN: The Clerks, having the Courtyard, are Mocking/Sneering at the Trial Competition

(I never knew the clerks can be so cruel!)

EN: A report by a member of the team

PL: Pogłoska przez członek zaprzęgu

EN: A rumour by the member of the (horse/dog-drawn) carriage

(Gossiping is not a good quality, but I am actually impressed that horses or dogs can do it!)

EN: runners up

PL: biegacze do góry

EN: runners to the mountain

(That is quite an interesting competition)

EN: Sixth Form and Sixth Form Colleges

PL: Szóstych Kształtów i Seksty Formują Kolegia

EN: Sixth Shapes and Sixth (as in music) Are Forming Colleges

(I have no idea what sort of college is that...)

EN: Crooks (surname)

PL: Oszukańcy

EN: crooks, cheaters

(Not very trustworthy surname, don't you think?)

EN: Mark (forename)

PL: Oznaka

EN: Sign 

(Unusual name choice)

I hope you like part 1, because I have a few more. They only get better :) 

Please remember there are quite a few possibilities for different translations.

How did it end at school?

Well, after I finished crying from laughter, I immediately requested an appointment with the headteacher. Oh, that was an interesting conversation. In the end the head wrote a letter to all parents/recipients of the newsletter that it was sent away before proofreading and apologised for any offence it might have caused. This time I was asked to translate the letter...

Real life scenes episode 1

Today's a real scene from our daily life. It happened a couple of years ago, but it is still quite funny.

English:
My dear partner is working in a rather small company. He's sometimes...well...absent-minded to say the least. Some time ago he was given holiday slips (a couple of weeks before Christmas) to choose days off. The employees were signing in with initials. His story:

"I am looking at that slip and see the initials of the employees. And I couldn't figure out one: BH. Who the hell is he/she? There is no one in our company with these initials, no one from the office, not the manager. Perhaps from the other branch? But no one is called "BH"! This was so absorbing and I couldn't stop thinking about it for a few days. Who is BH and why on earth is he/she's taking days off on such strange dates?

I was enlightened today.

When I was leaving work today, I looked at the calendar...BH...Bank Holiday!"


Polish:

Mój partner pracuje w pewnej niewielkiej firmie. Jest czasami nieźle zakręcony - delikatnie mówiąc. Niedawno u niego w pracy rozdawali karteczki z możliwością wpisania się, kto kiedy chce wziąć wolne/dostać urlop (parę tygodni przed świętami). Pracownicy wpisywali się inicjałami. Relacja partnera:

-Patrzę na tą kartkę i widzę inicjały różnych pracowników. I tak się zastanawiam nad jednymi: BH. Kto to do jasnej anielki jest? Żaden z pracowników, nikt z biura, nie manager. Może ktoś z filii? Ale tam też nikt się tak nie nazywa. No zapadło mi to w głowę na długo i dumałem nad tym parę dni. Kto to ten/ta BH i dlaczego bierze urlop w takie dziwne dni?

Dziś doznałem oświecenia. 

Wychodząc z pracy spojrzałem na kalendarz...BH...Bank Holiday!*


*Bank Holiday - święto państwowe

Image source: http://wallpaperscraft.com/image/smile_drawing_on_glass_happiness_11170_1600x900.jpg

That would be rather hard...

This little image made me laugh today.  Not sure if that's real, but that doesn't really matter. It's a bit of a word play in Polish:

PL: moneta 

EN: coin

So...a client is asked to insert what into a machine?

Image source: http://i36.tinypic.com/14cw5k0.jpg

I hope it's not one of my favourite paintings...:)

Image source: http://uploads0.wikipaintings.org/images/claude-monet/the-japanese-bridge-the-bridge-in-monet-s-garden-1896.jpg

Short Course in Chinese

Anyone fancy a short course in Chinese? :)

Image source: http://www.smart-words.org/humor-jokes/language-humor/learn-chinese-in-5-minutes.png

Hello and welcome

Welcome to my blog!

I am an English - Polish and Polish translator and proofreader.

I love language and translation humour. I am going to write about funny language situations from my work, as well as anything related to the art of translation.  

So...coffee anyone?

Polish: Coffee is not tea

English: Coffee is not coffee

...

Well, Google Translator is not sure :)

But I am: 

                     Image source: http://balbrigganetns.scoilnet.ie/blog/files/2014/01/uw52b8ab3b.jpg